Document ladder checklist

1. The children, first

An adult can speak up for themselves. A child cannot. Do these before anything else.

• Establish legal parentage for every parenting adult the law allows (voluntary acknowledgment of parentage; second-parent or stepparent adoption where your state permits it).
• Name standby guardians in writing, so the choice is yours and not a courtroom's.
• Sign medical and school authorizations for each caregiving adult.
• Provide for the children in writing (wills, beneficiary designations, a trust).

2. For every adult

• Healthcare power of attorney and advance directive, one for each adult. Solves hospital access and medical decisions.
• Durable financial power of attorney, one for each adult.
• A will, plus beneficiary designations on every account (life insurance, retirement, payable-on-death).
• A cohabitation or relationship agreement defining money, property, support, and exit.
• A revocable living trust for shared assets, naming all members and defining succession.
• A partnership or LLC, if the household runs real shared finances or a business.

3. Questions to ask the attorney

• Have you drafted cohabitation agreements or done estate planning for unmarried partners?
• Which of these tools are available, and strongest, in my state?
• If the state recognizes only two legal parents, how do we protect a third or fourth parenting adult?
• Could any document we file be used against us in a custody dispute, and how do we limit that exposure?
• What should each caregiving adult carry or pre-file with the school, pediatrician, and hospital?

4. How to describe the documents

Ask by what the document does, not by the relationship behind it. It keeps the meeting short and routes around discomfort.

• "Powers of attorney for my partners."
• "A trust for our shared home."
• "Guardianship for our children."

Notes